When I Was Not Myself

When I Was Not Myself

There is beauty in my soul

And kindness in my heart

A sadness for mistakes I made

When I was not myself

It's easy to go astray

And lose oneself

When you follow not your spirit

Or the whispers in your head

The desire not to hurt

Or disappoint can overwhelm

The pressure to fit in and the need to belong

Can blind you, so you cannot see

Those who seek only faults

I do not seek to judge

Those I once called friend

For I know not their pain

Or what is in their hearts

Nor could I have sought the answers

When I was not myself

I honor all the memories

Of those that I have lost

For even in my anguish

I learned a lot.

To listen to the whispers

And the screaming of my spirit

Even when it sees those things I wish weren’t so

I am grateful to those who stayed

When I was lost in the dark

It can’t have been easy

But you helped me find my way

As I walk toward the light

And listen to my soul

As it takes the splendor in

And I become myself

I’ll remember those days of dark despair

When the world closed in

A few scars will remain upon my heart

From lessons I have learned

When I was not myself

I’ll not judge myself

For those mistakes I made

Nor flog my spirit bloody

But take them as lessons learned

For sometimes you cannot go back

As I travel on my path

Through the deep dark woods

And muddy black bogs of loss

As I make my way back

Into the beauty that I am

The darkness and despair

The loneliness and sorrow

Will be a memory of the days

When I was not myself

Marta Moran Bishop © 2015