Friday, June 19, 2015

When I Was Not Myself

When I Was Not Myself

There is beauty in my soul
And kindness in my heart
A sadness for mistakes I made

When I was not myself

It's easy to go astray
And lose oneself
When you follow not your spirit
Or the whispers in your head

The desire not to hurt
Or disappoint can overwhelm
The pressure to fit in and the need to belong
Can blind you, so you cannot see
Those who seek only faults

I do not seek to judge
Those I once called friend
For I know not their pain
Or what is in their hearts
Nor could I have sought the answers

When I was not myself

I honor all the memories
Of those that I have lost
For even in my anguish
I learned a lot.

To listen to the whispers
And the screaming of my spirit
Even when it sees those things I wish weren’t so
I am grateful to those who stayed
When I was lost in the dark

It can’t have been easy
But you helped me find my way
As I walk toward the light
And listen to my soul
As it takes the splendor in

And I become myself

I’ll remember those days of dark despair
When the world closed in
A few scars will remain upon my heart
From lessons I have learned

When I was not myself

I’ll not judge myself
For those mistakes I made
Nor flog my spirit bloody
But take them as lessons learned
For sometimes you cannot go back

As I travel on my path
Through the deep dark woods
And muddy black bogs of loss
As I make my way back
Into the beauty that I am

The darkness and despair
The loneliness and sorrow
Will be a memory of the days

When I was not myself

Marta Moran Bishop © 2015


  1. So beautiful! Remember, I am always here with a lantern!

    1. I do remember and always will. I hope you will remember I'm here for you too.

  2. Marta this touched me very much!! I remember the pain you suffered and it is good you were able to put it into a poem. Writing is very healing and I see your pain in every word. It brought tears to my eyes.

    1. Thank you Barbara, from you that is such a complement.